“Break up is the termination of an intimate relationship by any means other than death”
Break up is such a common occurrence nowadays that from youngsters to adults everyone is busy breaking up. The dumpers are happy dumping and the dumpees don’t care about being dumped. The only explanation I find for this is that people are not serious today in the relationships they build with others. People are misinterpreting the meaning of love with attraction. Of course, there are certain toxic relationships in our lives that we need to end, but it needs a lot of courage to end relations which were built by putting in a lot of efforts.
So if you are going to dump someone and you are still worried about how to manage the situation, here is a little help for you on how to break up with someone.
BEFORE THE BREAKUP
Remember that you have not taken this decision overnight. You have thought about it a lot. You have spent many nights thinking about how to make things work and sobbing your heart out. But, there is a reason why you are today in this position. It’s very normal to feel this way but trust me to stick to your decision and you will be proud of yourself later.
Set Your Mind
It is pretty obvious that when you are with a person for a long time you somehow get emotionally attached to them. And when you are going to break them emotionally you will get hurt yourself. So before breaking up sit down and list the reasons why you want to break up and be sure of your decision.
Choose an Appropriate Place
When you are going to break up, you are definitely going to hurt their feelings. But choosing a private kind of place can help both of you to understand each other. This will give them time to understand your decision too. They deserve to know the reason for rejection. But if you choose a place where you have to hide your emotions and feelings, then you would not be able to express yourself and believe me, you will regret this your entire life.
It really doesn’t matter whether you are hurt or not but the one person who is definitely going to hurt is the person you are going to dump. No one likes rejection. They may act violently or may cry a lot so you have to be prepared for it. Maybe it is their way to tackle this situation. You can’t stop them from doing it. After all, you are the last person they want to see right now, but you did this just for yourself. So you don’t have to blame yourself.
DURING THE BREAKUP
You are going to end a relationship which was once the most important part of your life. It doesn’t matter who initiated the relation first but today you are the one who is going to end it. You have to understand their state of mind and maybe that, it is more difficult for them to accept the fact that the relationship is over. So be kind with your words. Try not to tell them that it’s their fault or that they were the reason that things did not work out. Tell them that, “I want something else” or “I don’t see our future together” so that they don’t take it personally.
Don’t Be Wishy-Washy
A breakup is not easy. We think that the person being dumped is the only one hurt but if the dumper still cares about that person, believe me, it is a nightmare for them as well. The one you’re breaking up with might cry or even beg you by making many promises (like before), but you have to be strong. After all, it’s high time for you to think about yourself. You have made enough people your priority before and still, you are the last in their list. So think about yourself first.
It doesn’t matter how painful it is or how much pain it is going to be, it is their right to at least know the reason you are breaking up with them. And believe me, it will increase your chances of having a healthy relationship (of friendship) with them in future if you want. If you still lie about your reasons, you will end up hurting yourself more because there will be so much you would have wanted to say but you couldn’t. So just for a moment make yourself your first priority.
Don’t Offer Help
Remember that at least for now you are the last person they want to see. So by offering any kind of help to them or saying that you are there for them, you are giving them mixed feelings. It might confuse them and will give them false hope that something might happen in the future and trust me that hurts even more. So be clear with your words and actions.
AFTER THE BREAKUP
Disconnect With Them
At least, for now, you should not expect any sort of contact with them. After all, they too have lost the one person who they thought was in love with them. So for some time, you should remove them from all social networking sites and if it helps, delete their number. Because definitely you will also crave to talk to that person but it is not the right way to tackle this situation. So for some time avoid making any contact with them.
Don’t Be Afraid of The Singleness
Many people I come across are afraid of being single that I don’t understand why. It is very obvious that when you spent such a long time with someone, your choices and wishes become secondary. You concentrate more on the likes and dislikes of the other person rather than your own. So when you are finally single think and do more for your-self. You have the time to follow your passions and dreams which were somewhere lost when you were committed to that relation.
Connect Yourself With Friends And Family
Do you remember the last time when you sat with your friends and had a long long conversation over a cup of coffee maybe? Do you? If you do, then trust me you are much luckier than you think because many people lose contact with their friends and family after getting into a relationship. They devote all their time to only one person and when that person leaves them, then they feel lost. So now you can spend more time with your friends and family who can help you the best in coping up with this situation.
Give Yourself Time
Yes, it’s going to be difficult. It will take time and a lot of patience to overcome this situation but you have to do it anyway because it is your choice. If you are still getting second thoughts about your relation then you should definitely give yourself time because your mind and heart are both thinking differently. But, if you still feel you did something wrong, then talk to them but only after being totally sure, because it is very normal to get such thoughts. Yet if they continue to remain on your mind, then you should think about making things workout again.